israel’s Blog

october, is really not my month. a friend of mine once said that this month sure really hates me. Well for my case, that is so true. I’m not blaming whats happening right now cause of the month, maybe i really did messed up and for that reason i lost someone whose very important to me. She changed or did i change? i really don’t know what happened, but i really miss her company, sometimes i find myself making a text message to tell what happened to me but when i try to send it  i just press cancel. its been a habit of mine to text her, whether its good or bad, shes the first person whom i confide to. i do like the idea that outside my social group there is someone whom i can call my confidante. i do like her, not because shes pretty, not because everybody wants her, i like her because of the way she listens to my story, the way she reminds me how fragile my body is, the way she keeps me company even though i don’t have time even for myself. She asked me if giving her flowers is a sign that  i want her, i said no. i lied to myself in that point of time. i do want her, but it doesnt mean i gave her flowers cause i want to court her, its simply means that i appreciate her. second anger was in control of me by that time, Stupid is the right word to describe me. it feels like everytime i see her, im looking into a stranger,. i miss her i really do.

(Lies) It’s raining late at night it brings you here I run at the end of memories
I could live fine without you, even if you beg it will come to no use
I drank the alcohol I couldn’t drink, I even drank up the night that burned my heart
I hate it, a day without you is too long, I beg to finally forget about you (It’s all lies)

Without you, I have no smiles/No tears well up
I don’t want to live anymore

You’re like a check at bottom of a post, It makes me mad I think I’m going insane at the thought of you
I want to see you, but they say I can’t, it’s all over, I’ll be right there

i’m so sorry but i love you it’s all lies/I didn’t know, but now I do, I need you
i’m so sorry but i love you sharp words on a whim I didn’t even know, I sent you off
i’m so sorry but i love you it’s all lies i’m so sorry but i love you

i’m so sorry but i love you leave me and could you forget me slowly so I can hurt

That song I sang you that I put everything into ( People probably don’t know)
By myself, so that nobody else knows (Yeah, the words that I said were all lies)

Now I’m being left alone, the sight of me not knowing what to do

The crinkled note in my pocket, that told of seperation, that I have folded
(Where are you, that habit of mine of calling you)
I want to change, I want to laugh it all off now

i’m so sorry but i love you it’s all lies/I didn’t know, but now I do, I need you
i’m so sorry but i love you sharp words on a whim I didn’t even know, I sent you off
i’m so sorry but i love you it’s all lies i’m so sorry but i love you
i’m so sorry but i love you leave me and could you forget me slowly so I can hurt

oh for everything to be a dream oh because I’m nothing more than this

I still can’t forget you. Even if it takes forever, even until I die.

I wonder if that hurt I gave you has healed, I’m sorry because I didn’t do anything for you

i’m so sorry but i love you it’s all lies/I didn’t know, but now I do, I need you
i’m so sorry but i love you sharp words on a whim I didn’t even know, I sent you off
i’m so sorry but i love you it’s all lies i’m so sorry but i love you
i’m so sorry but i love you leave me and could you forget me slowly so I can hurt

who would have thought that an afternoon coffee break at trinoma will be so interesting? hmmm. here at my back is a couple who are so sweet to each other. while at my front, is a couple who are arguing. well people are so colorful. sometimes i think what color am i, when you look at it in a bigger picture. ^-^ (knocks me off my feet background music)

well, speaking of love. i dont have any lovelife for now. wow! pangulong kadiwa is going cheesy! (lolz) maybe i should say that my heart doesnt need somebody right now. work & church duties are consuming most of my time. maybe someday if God permits it, he will show the one whos destined for me. so maybe a year or two of being single might not hurt, (even a bit)?)

i do remember that i saw “her”. in an instant, i felt that “thing” that i had thought disappeared, along when she transferred to another locale. sadly, i still love her, and i do know that my heart still belongs to her. but i love myself even more. at least i know my real score with her, at least that knowledge can feed my pride. its always good to know, that your effort wasnt in vain. its just i’d waited so long, that my heart became numb when it saw the words that it longs for.

Remember the saying “ even a heart the loves truly, will wither itself, if the other one takes it for granted”. in my case, that is so true. i do love her. i’ve waited for her for a long period of time, sadly, by the time she spoke those words, it came empty when it reached me.

Lesson in love? there is no such thing as a constant love,. Love is never Love when there is no risk. its the same way that you cant teach your heart who it should fall for.

Im thankful for the people, whos accompanying me right now in this journey. some disappeared, while someone new came along.. old friends are always there, while new friends keeps me up.

For the last^^. if someone comes along who’se destined for me, how i wish you would knock at my heart. i want to welcome you while im ready, if you see me in a busy state, would you please stand in front of me, and say how miserable life is, if i dont have anybody to share my pain and success in life. 

im keeping my heads up. i’ll wait for that person., after all “there is no mess that i clean, and no love is a riddle, when i put my heart & mind into it”

We love a girl for very different things than understanding. We love her for her beauty, her youth, her mirth, her confidingness, her character, with its faults, caprices, and god knows what other inexpressible charms; but we do not love her understanding. Her mind we esteem if it is brilliant, and it may greatly elevate her in our opinion; nay more, it may enchain us when we already love. But her understanding is not that which awakens and inflames our passions.

Hey Mr. Curiosity
Is it true what they’ve been saying about you
Well are you killing me
You took care of the cat already
And for those who think it’s heavy
Is it the truth
Or is it only gossip
Call it mystery or anything
Oh just as long as you call me
I sent the message on did you get it when I left it
Said well this catastrophic event
It wasn’t meant to mean no harm
But to think there’s nothing wrong is a problem, oh

I’m looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it’s making me cry
Trying not to ask why
This love is a mystery
Mr. Curious…

Come back to me
I’m a mr. waiting on and never patient can’t you see
That I’m the same the way you left me, left me
In a hurry to spell check me
And I’m underlined already in envy green
And pencil red
And I’ve forgotten what you’ve said
Will you stop working for the dead and return
A mr. curious well I need some inspiration
It’s my birthday and I cannot find no cause for celebration
The scenario is grave but I’ll be braver when you save me
From this situation laden with hearsay, oh

I’m looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it’s making me cry
Trying not to ask why
This love is a mystery
Mr. Curiosity
Hey mr. please
Do come and find me, oh
Oh, come on oh, yea yea

I’m looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it’s making me cry
Trying not to ask why
Cause love is a mystery
Mr. curiosity
Hey mr. please
Do come and find me

Love is blinding when your timing’s never right
Oh but who am I to beg for difference
Finding love in a distant instant
But I don’t mind
Oh love at least I tried, well I tried…

I often wonder just how can it be
But everytime I think about it
Seems impossible to me
I wanna touch you, call out your name
Would you be my love, would you be my friend
Would you feel the same

What if wishes all came true
And each one had a star
That would keep it shining brightly
However near or far

What if a miracle appeared
And heaven was here for us to see
Oh what if you, were to fall in love with me

I imagine, a picture in my mind
You and me we`ll be together
Together for all time
Like in the fairytales
Where everything comes real
Would you take my hand, would you understand
Just how I feel

It`s not impossible
It`s not impossible
It happens each day
People find each other
Fall in love with one another
It happens this way
It`s not impossible
It`s not impossible
I don`t believe
If I close my eyes
If I make a wish
You`d be loving me

What if wishes all came true

i woke up at 4am, time to get ready for i know that i must arrive at the chapel at exactly 4:45am, choir practice is the first activity this morning, and i cant help but to think of her, what is she doing right now.. is she already sleep? or is she watching movies like the way she used to. cant focus at the practice, theyre voice are just another noise for this morning. after the practice i remembered something, it was a line that was posted by one of my classmates in college in her Ym, it says “love is the simplest form of suicide”, and that is so true. When youre in love you are vulnerable to any pain, even if you wish to reject it, still you cant deny the fact that you are hurting inside and the best part of it? is when the one you love inflicts you pain.. The practice is finally over, my mind is still floating, still thinking about her…

Have you ever heard the song “beautiful mess”?, i heard it on the phone of one my office mates, splendid song and also have a wonderful lyrics. Theres a line there that really hits me, but i wont say it.^^….. time to go for work, the bus is rushing to my destination, and i have a favor to ask. if you see her on your way to the church, just tell her i love her, and i do miss her. thank you

hmmm. 5 years of using friendster, and i never created any blog entry.. but you may ask, what pushed me to do this? well first of all my hearts feels going to explode, do not ask me what do i feel.. i just feel terrible… (and yes!! nagseselos ako!!! amp!). This feeling is the one i hate most… the way your mind float because of her and the pain you feel beacause of the one who courts her.

whos the girl? shes the girl i loved for the past 2years.. call me baduy, but i still keep her notes from the gifts she gave me last-last year….. (hopeless romantic) from every piece of the note she gave and from the last piece of paper that she gave me as a gift (now that i mention it, parang naibalik ko din yun sa kanya, kasi dun ko ginagawa yung mga poems na binibigay ko sa kanya)

i did court her,, but because of the people that sorround’s us, it didnt work for the both us. (at pano naman nangyari yun?) just imagine this, try to court the girl you love then out of nowhere your bestfriend will tell she love you, and the best part of that…. she made a move to complicate things between the two of us… (great! now that i remember it seems that destiny sucked at that time, maybe hinipnotise niya c “destiny”….)

I do love her, i tried many times to forget her, but everytime i see her, i cant…. i love you, i really do.. sana hindi pa huli ang lahat.

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